before memories become dreams

I decided after seeing some innocuous instagram post: “one night only,” event for the season premiere of my favorite show. thought: gosh that would be so cool to go to. mentioned it to a friend and then they gave me the push I needed: why not make some memories?

and things seemed to work out with timing and all. the premiere was by lottery so a chance I wouldn’t be able to even see it but figured why not? it’s New York. I always love New York.

still reeling from a brutal start to the year I decided to give myself the present of rebirth. symbolic for many reasons but primarily learning how to let myself breathe and enjoy what I enjoy. what a concept!

friday midnight/saturday:

come Friday of my flight: triple checked I had everything and decided to bring my running shoes and belt just in case (that I never did end up using) after a few times of going back and forth.

flight delay that first night. not by a lot, perhaps an hour? i’ve been blessed with a life of no major delays. i’d knock on wood but will likely be a couple years before I board a plane again. some more random delays after landing so eventually crawled into my dayroom three hours or so after I was initially due to arrive. the front desk woman: Jessica at the Hampton suites Times Square! listening to my voice memos. I need to leave her a good review, she was lovely and. put me on floor 32/34 and the elevator was old and rickety and full but gosh, very ny. loved it. she gave me a Reeses, too, and was very bubbly and sweet.

kudos, Jessica.

took a much needed shower and rearranged then wondered around ny! what did I do first? what’s next voice memo…

Brooklyn flea! the first flea market I went to in ny and boy those prices… did leave with a little leaf ring. realized I forgot to hit “stop” on my voice memo so these last four minutes are just me saying hello to different vendors and saying “oh that’s lovely,” half a dozen times.

then took a ferry to north Williamsburg to hit another artsits/flea market. they had a food festival that I dipped into first and had some tofu bao and fancy Indian donuts. saw soooo many sweet treats and goodies while at market but reminded myself how much I could realistically eat of it all haha. beautiful handcrafted bracelets, rings, purses, towels, clothes, etc!! oh to be an artist selling your goods in an artists flea in Williamsburg. i’d wear a beret constantly, flip my skinny black scarf whenever I made a point.

hmm next memo. oh all the thrift stores! a friend had left me a list so I made it a mission to make it to as many as I could. this meant a good excuse to check out all the different neighborhoods. do I remember the names of the ones I liked most? of course not. haha. I just know there was something special about each one. beacon’s closet and twin vintage were my favorites by the time I came home.

a lot of the markets had like, chanel/balengiaca/rag&bone etc soooo def out of my budget but was fun to see in a thrift.

oh my gosh the first day!!

on my way to the Airbnb there were delays and a couple were trying to calm their little girl who couldn’t have been more than eight or nine months. an angel! I caught her eye (I overheard them call her Sophie) and was somehow able to get her to stop crying and even smiling. she made me miss my nephews so! I held my hand up and she kept slapping it back and was happy to entertain her to give the parents some reprieve. plus again: an angel!! so sweet.

maybe I should have continued with early childhood education, hm..

so when I finally got to my Airbnb the hosts daughter let me in and showed me around. this place was incredible!! three floor brownstone in Harlem, beautiful. all hard wood floors, mirrors that stretched across the high ceilings, an actual chandelier?? I was on the third floor and had a large room and private bath. marble in the bathroom and ac/fridge/etc in the room. would check there first if I ever came back to ny.

but then lmao, I left to find a vegan soul food place I found on google and when I went to pull the key out from the top lock: it came out completely. I was able to put it back in and locked the bottom and messaged the host. she was lovely about it and we were all confused on how I managed it but in the end she was understanding and assured me away from any concerns.

oh wait: soul food place! I nearly forgot!! I made a new friend at this vegan soul food buffet place. it was soaking in community love. a lot of regulars floating in and out, squeezing in between the wall and displace case and taking out soft drinks with worn out labels.

I ordered a little bit of this and that (describing the color and location not knowing what half of it was as there was no food labels and they dished it out.) and pulled up a chair. an elder gentleman started talking to me and taking large bites between sentences of his bread. he’d stop between stories to greet and clap hands with youth and adults and sharing pictures of his niece on graduation night. bless him: I barely heard or understood him at some points. but he had patience and shared with me an islamic prayer. told me a bit about once being a preacher and the mosques throughout town. He told me how his mother died at 81 and was a well-known activist for access to education in Harlem back when.

he also apparently boxed mohammed Ali and a few others and had the teeth to prove it:

i’m sure he was yanking my chain on a good bit of things but the various people happy to see him coming in and he even bought me a bottle of water after asking what I was drinking. i’m always charmed by the simplicity of kindness.

at one point he cackled delightfully when I guessed 45 after he asked me to guess how hole he was. (he was 71.)

I managed to squeeze out as he stood up to banter with the deli worker.

gosh it was all just charming.

I booked a jazz show but it didn’t begin until 9:30pm. I definitely fell asleep and missed it.

but probs for the best after being up for over 24 hours.

sunday:

breakfast at ‘butchers daughter,’ a plant forward restaurant! I had the brunch pizza which was like, caramelized onion/some white creamy sauce/spinach? soooo delish. perfectly thin crunch and finished the whole personal pizza. then ventured off to pick up a cronut I had preordered. last time I was in ny it was recommended to and there was still a long line. my how time changes! because no line. so then I went to a park and people watched and browsed the artist goods around the fountain. walked through the neighborhood to find another market/park. never gets old. my longtime friend was able to meet me that day but a little later so I browsed the barnes and noble next. it was four floors! they had a signing by Matt Haig which I considered going to: ‘humans,’ was a favorite when I read it.

hmm.. oh met with Shirphie!! she caught me up on a lot of her life stuff. her and I had been talking the last few weeks and she’s been through it. so it was nice to see her in person. we ended up going to Chelsea to the market there. sooooo much good food holy cow! they had another artist market but it’s like a mall so it was hallway after beautiful brick hallway of shops and food shops. ended up grabbing a couple souvenirs. the fire alarm was going off at one point but everybody just like, ignored it, haha, though an intercom did come on to say to be on the ready for evacuation.

we found a sample sale which: SAMPLE SALE?? apparently it’s quite common in the city and they sell all this designer stuff at a fraction of the cost from overstock/samples from runways/etc. there’s a layer of overconsumption that I know isn’t great but how can a girl resist $700 retail for like $40???

we had this gelato that was shaped like fruit- soooo yummy. then I mentioned to her how I downloaded Pokemon go and she was so excited. we got some boba drinks and she showed me all the things on the app. turns out her hubby is a fiend and they were even going to Vegas this weekend I believe to some pokemon/maybe anime convention? idk, but her joy brings me joy.

after she went home I went to the Arte museum. they had so many beautiful installations! definitely meant as a tourist/selfie thing but I loved it all the same. first room were mirrors and tall, tall ceilings of waterfalls that made it feel you were surroundedd. gentle speaker to really give you that immersive experience. then there was a wave room where it was like, giant waves hitting a glass wall before you. the next this beautiful beach scene where whales were diving and the ground shifted to your steps. all the lights/sounds/smells etc were just incredible. i’ve never done lsd but I imagine being there if you were would be sort of life changing lmao.

then this huuuuuge floral room which was one of my favorites! just floor to wall and mirrored and you would get this perfectly subtle floral smell. they had a piano to the corner and it was all so calming.

then gosh what else.. a first room I believe was next, with mythical creatures that surround ed you. you could even color in these coloring pages they had of mythical animals like unicorns and dragons and put it on this scanner that would then show your life size creature on the wall. so pretty.

ohh and my favorite room was like, dripping with lanterns. the lanterns would change colors and were also surrounded by floor to ceiling mirrors which made your feel like you were lost in the stars in the sky. stunning.

then a giant moon that would go form night to day..

..a water vapor type tornado that misted you just so.

loved it.

oh and then I saw a movie: obsession! holy cow. HOLY COW. I need to see it again. the audience made the experience all the better. the themes felt so raw and real. haunting. truthful. terrifying.

and thennnn- gosh what i’d have for dinner? think that white Calabrian pizza? pizza and bagels were probs 75% of what I ate.

thennnn bed.

Monday:

I almost forgot Monday, ha. but Monday was Kelly Clarkson show. something I never thought i’d do but I was like: welp if it gives me more chance with this is 1iota thing might as well go for the experience. I don’t exactly regret it since I can now check it off a list of things i’ve tried. they put me in the front row which I was like, oh hey cool! but also: oh hey, now I have to try and act at every moment and somehow not look crazy lol. Tina fey was there but idk, it just felt very circus-y. like they all had their notes and lines ready and we had to laugh when they said laugh, turn and nod at each other and smile like grossss. i’d love to see an authentic interview with someone a la film screenings.

but again: experience. and it was hokey and cute and I made a new buddy named jared who helped us shuffle from the elevator to soundstage.

and then what did I do? back to my notes!

national museum of the American Indian! one of the workers there was telling me about how his father once parachuted him over the amazon where he saw one of those non-colonized more separated people/tribes. his cadence was delightful. he’d be like, “and my father he said: ah, so you remember. i’m glad you remember. i’m proud of you, son, that’s very important. I wanted you to.” idk like each word was intentional. and then he shared with me his secret to strong bones. not milk calcium, no. but boiled pineapple juice with cinnamon. and if you wanted extra dazzle dazzle? some cinnamon. he told me how he had learned a lot from the waiwai people including making fishing rods and then catching fish and filleting - the whole process.

he was from guyana and what else..

oh pancakes! I had done a lot of research into best brunch places from locals on reddit and apparently golden diner was a classic. I made rezzies for 4pm then showed dup an order one of the items I had been drooling over: Hokkaido butter pancake. then I added a side of vegan homemade kimchi. I almost bough ta container but not sure if a fermented food is good to fly over??

and it was in this classic diner deep in chinatown where I sat at the bar on the other side from the chefs cookie away. incredible. the texture? get out of here. it had no business being that good but darn am I happy they are.

and then I thought: let’s see another movie, because why the heck not? have been wanting to go to an Alamo Drafthouse for years and saw that there was one nearby. So saw “Backrooms,” and it was… idk, eery? all I know is when I walked out there was the weird empty mall and some random all white furniture that barely stood out against the white floors and walls. I wonder if that was a purposeful installation because I was definitely creeped out.

Tuesday:

the show that wasn’t to be! but had fun anyway.

I started my day going down to try another new coffee and another new bagel place. did I mention all the pizza and bagels I had? so many, t. the pumpernickel with olive spread was one of the faves.

I then tried my first ~real sample sale. there was one for farm rio which is a brand I just recently learned I love. I’ve been seeing more on depop. so it seemed like fate. the line was a ny block and change long which made me more stubborn for the experience.

time in line was spent on more Pokemon go lol and people watching.

what a MADHOUSE when I entered. well: first I was first in line at one point waiting since they’d only allow X amount of people at a time. one woman was arguing with the bouncer(?) because she had left line earlier and came back with her ticket and they wouldn’t let her in. the tickets were colored and numbered so they could tell. she went from “I needed to get back to work,” to, “oh so people can’t pee?”

anyway when I got in MY EYES. it was like five long racks of clothes with a side table of shoes and clothes were everywhere and peoples arms completely full of dresses and skirts and more. turns out they’d let out certain sets at a time with the sizes available so you could find a top you liked but there’d be none in your size. rip to the top I loved.

then to try on: oh my! there was a curtain covering the back quarter of the large space where they'd again: let only X amount of people in at a time. and when I walked in: women in all states of clothing and trying on clothes then squeezing in the long line in front of the mirrors turning in different ways to see themselves.

and in a moment i’m proud of my progress: I joined in. I was alway the kid cramping themselves in a stall to change where nobody could see me in the locker room. i’d swim in long sleeves and pants in a ploy where a friend pulled me in. long pants and sweaters in summer. skipping Korean spas in the very country due to its practice of complete nudity.

but i’ve since shed my shame over the audacity to have a body. gone was the voice in my head calling me a slut and worse when i’d wear something sleeveless.

i’ll never be and am far from perfect but darn it if i’m not proud of the growth I have made. and at one point I felt like I didn't deserve happiness within myself or felt like I was lesser than because I hadn’t done it in the timeline someone else set up for me. anyone else.

so I got changed and tried on in the middle of a room of changing women for clothes 80% off.

ended up with two skirts and a top.

I gawked at the other people at the counter with piles of clothes that took a duffle bag half the size of me full. I wondered: resellers, influencers, something else?

jealous of their likely walk-in closet. ha! who knew! twenty year old me who lived on the same pair of three shirts, lion king sweater and too small jeans from high school would be aghast. how vain!

but when my tour guide on Thursday guessed I was either an artist or musician? affirmed what I love about its creative spirit.

so I dropped my clothes off at a bag check and then joined the line of hopeful vampire lestat fans. they were all decked out in goth clothing an done beautiful tall gazelle of a woman was holding up a “extra ticket?” sign high up each time someone else from production entered the stage door.

I was looking the other way from stage door so saw when the show creator arrive and everyone shrieked haha. how fun to just like, be in this escape from reality yknow? anyhow time went on and everyone discussed what they were seeing online and at the other side of the building as far as letting people in.

at one point a film crew came by and filmed the gazelle and she was excitedly talking about the show/in-character lestat and signed some release form. then went down the line and filmed a few more in the growing group of fans. they eventually moved us to the other side of stage door and that’s when the show creator started bringing out all the actors.

it was so stinkin’ cute and a bright side to not making it inside to see the show premiere/concern. the actor that portrays my fave character came out and signed my phone, the creator did, too. someone filmed it and airdropped it to me haha so kind! they got us high-fiving over being birthday twins. oh to just be a silly lil fan of something.

anyhow more folks came out and the crowd even chanted the name of the composer when he went back and forth. he seemed touch and it was fun to just be a part of this group that started hyping up even the pa’s and security guards. I love collective kindness, darn it.

so then I left and it was late so grabbed pizza probably, can’t recall, then went to bed. I think Jacob' soul food was weds. wait, yes.

Wednesday:

all the museums! started off towards the Guggenheim. (after a bagel breakfast probably.) the bus was taking a bit of time so ended up walking after a few stops and pretty sure I beat it there.

the Guggenheim had a carol bove exhibit that may have almost made me cry. just stunning. the geometric shapes, the use of like, metal was it?? I was moved by it all.

then I dashed to the Cooper Hewitt which had this incredible ‘made in america’ exhibit that was mostly photography on how things are made and it was so so beautiful. like extreme close ups of a technician working on the wing of a plane or cutting out the leather of a football. so cool. I then went to the gift shop of the museum of national history. I went there to my last visit to ny so for time considerations decided to skip viewing and get the souvenirs for my nephew. had a very specific gift in mind of a sticker by numbers dinosaur book for my nephew and was able to find an exact one!! then bracelet for a couple of friends that benefitted wildlife programs but Las allowed you to ‘track’ a wild animal like lion or sea turtle. etc etc gifts and saw socks that made me think of someone who likes socks so had to hold myself back before I started getting a gift for the building security guard at work haha.

then went to the tenement museum which was cool. it was a guided tour where they’d take you to an old tenement/apartment that they kept some antiques and props to make look like it did back when. a little more hokey but I enjoyed it. tough crowd for the guide, though. some dude kept trying to be funny and i’m like haha oops that’s me in life, huh? oh to be seen.

more gifts there. they had some cooler art books and puzzles and more. then more thrift stores I think?

and maybe the Alamo drafthouse was wedsnday now that i’m reading back on my notes? all I knwo is they had that cool VHS rental/VHS tape rental program and it was very nostalgic. maybe I already wrote about it, ahhh. would go again, basically.

then Jacob soul food! little soul food place right on the corner of the street I was staying. again; seemed a lot of community vibes and lines of cold fruit and salad and hot foods like Mac and okra and black rice and chicken etc etc etc.

accidentally used the wrong take away box so burnt my hand haha but food was worth it!

Thursday:

last full day! i’m getting tired but i’m stubborn.

first was soul of Harlem tour! a couple from Oregon and motivational speaker named sapphire were on same tour with a guide named Larry. he was wonderful! we stopped under a bridge where he talked to us about the history of immigrants who lived in Harlem (dutch named it haarlem, then jewish then Irish and then black folk I believe? Harlem renaissance..

oh goodness who am I kidding i’ll finish later.

met cloisters, jazz history..rug tufting.